There was a fight yesterday.

Finally she realised as a mother she knows nothing about her son and has to find things out from his girlfriend. And realised she was wrong about him. He and she were wrong about him. I would feel like the world's lousiest mother if I was her. Maybe that's why I never wanted to have kids. Because I don't want to fail as a mother. And I don't want my kids to feel like what we feel.

But he, he was stucked with his stupid ego. He refused to take matters into serious thinking. He refused to understand why his son even cried and he refused to listen to what his son has to say.

I only heard all the screaming and yelling and I don't even know why I cried. 

As much as I wanted to scream at them and let them know about my feelings, it hurts more to hear and watch all these verbal fight between 2 blood-related people. Or even very closely-related people.

I don't understand why are things only happening when I'm about to leave. Last year something similar happened but not as serious at this time around's.

I have never felt so painful in my life before. So painful that no words can describe it.

I don't know if I've ever done anything so bad to deserve this from you. If yes, I'm sorry. If no, I'm sorry too but I really don't think I deserve this.

And I really hate you for this, this time. All the other insignificant "I hate you"s in the past were brought up by some small things which meant nothing but this?

I really hate you. You brought me here and now because I refused to become your slave you want to shut me off your life.

My youngest sister is the most irritating 8 year-old GIRL I've ever met. Why I capsed the word "girl" because she doesn't act like one. She's mixes with more boys than girls in school. Everytime she says she saw someone from her school when we're out somewhere, it has to be a guy. She doesn't like to wear dresses and skirts (she gets embarrassed and shy), she likes to wear BLUE striped collared SHIRTS, she likes to play Nintendo Gameboy and Pokemon, she is a pig when it comes to food, she punches and kicks my dad like a punching bag, she basically just doesn't act like a girl.

So anyway, she's damn good at snapping at us older siblings too.

There was once my brother was at home up to some project and he was doing something about copper board and acid or dunno what shit to do with engineering lah. It looked kinda interesting for someone who knows nuts about engineering like me so I was following him around and see what he was about to do, my sister too. Then when he was about to start he said confidently,

" WATCH AND SEE. " Showing off like he's damn professional like that.

Then I ignored and waited to see what's gonna happen. And then my sister said this,

" WATCH AND LEARN LAH! "

Then there was a silence for 5 seconds.

And my brother suddenly exclaimed,

" Oh yahor watch and learn HAHAHAHAHAHHA. "

Then only I realised what she said was right cos watch and see roughly meant the same thing! I didn't notice it at first too and normally people won't notice the error in that phrase. I told Esther and a few other people they didn't notice it too. But that rascal did.

Kids these days.

And then today, she was practising her piano and I heard her playing and it was quite good. So I went up to her and gave her a round of applause and smiled at her. You know what she did?

She looked up at me frowning while playing the piano and said,

" SHADDUP LAH! "

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so fucking shocked I was speechless for 2 seconds and yelled at her after that for not appreciating my applause for her good job.

" EH I CLAP FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU PLAYED WELL AND YOU ASK ME TO SHADDUP NEXT TIME DOWAN CLAP FOR YOU ALREADY LAH! "

And you know what she said?? That rascal said,

" OK LOH! " AND BLOODY TURNED AWAY IGNORING ME, CONTINUED TO PLAY HER PIANO.

EH CORRECTION, IT'S MY PIANO!

SIGHHHH. KIDS THESE DAYS!!!

P.S. Today was a peaceful day because I didn't get to see her face for the whole day. The mamak session with Esther and Wai Tuck was good, as always. I always enjoy a good, hearty laugh with great friends around. And listening to his sleepy voice after that, suh-weet. They healed my soul. =)

10 more days woots!

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She screamed again and I really wanted to get out of the house with so much determination but there's no one around to share my feelings with. Friends are all busy, Wk is miles away.

Suddenly I felt so lonely.

And without realising, something warm ran down my cheeks and dropped on my thighs.

='(

Have you ever felt so annoyed and irritated at home that you lock yourself in the toilet, sit underneath the shower and count to 1000 before you come out of the toilet, just because you don't want to look at them?

Have you ever felt so painful to hear someone wishing you were never born?