WHY THE FUCK EVERYTHING HAS TO GO WRONG AT THIS MOMENT!

WHY THE FUCK THE FOOD PROCESSOR WON FUCKING WORK WHEN I FUCKING NEED IT!!!

FUCK THE WHOLE WORLD WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYTHING LATELY!

ALL I WANNA DO IS FUCKING MAKE A LASAGNE IS THAT EVEN FUCKING WRONG???

STUPID CIBAI FOOD PROCESSOR WHY MUST DIE AT THIS MOMENT WHEN I FUCKING SPENT 80 BUCKS ON ALL THE INGREDIENTS!!!

FUCK LAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm feeling damn emotional now. I know I should feel damn happy looking at that bloody countdown on top there slowly decreasing, but no. The more I look at it, the more it reminds me of it.

It is:

I'm playing in KLPAC, and we're rehearsing a few works. One of it, is a cello concerto, which is also the main thing of this whole KLPAC thingie I would say. It's most challenging and nicest too if compared to other pieces. But, because it's a cello concerto with string ensemble, not everyone can play. Only the best will be choosen. I was quite certain it would be no problem for me since I'm quite very determined in managing the piece. I was quite happy and jolly that I'll be playing with a famous cellist.

But. (why oh why)

Remember, I ALSO am going to Melbourne this mid June? Yeah. I'll be missing rehearsels. And to sum it all up, I'll be missing a total of FOUR rehearsels. I asked my tutor (who's also the concert master of KLPAC) whether it's ok or not to miss 4 rehearsels, she said it should be ok, just let Bryan (my conductor) know. So that's what I did today. Notify him. And he gave me a shocked reaction when I told him I'll be missing 4 rehearsels. At first I thought he was all cool.

Later he told me,

" Oh so, you can't play the cello concerto lah. Cos you see, the cello is so small, I can't have everyone playing if not it'll drown the cello's sound. I hope you understand. Not to say you're not good enough! But I seriously need to cut down people and since you won't be here for 4 rehearsels yadda yadda yadda... "

Of cos I understand. And of course, I was taken aback. I was disappointed. Quite. Very.

Losing the chance to play the cello concerto, almost means there's no more meaning playing in KLPAC cos that's the thing which is worth-playing! Not to say others were lousy, but the cello concerto is a very good piece for me to improve myself!

OMG why am I put in this situation when everything's so fine around me? Why something has to go???

Going over to Melbourne and visit my boyfriend : AFFECTION

Playing the Haydn's Cello Concerto: PASSION

$%^^(%&^%*^%IYFTKFUKTF^$EDKYHV&T&(^$%^$)&_*(&_(UOI:"~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY OH WHY!!!

How now!!!

Aaand, I cant decide where to do my tattoo! Shoulder blade? Nape? Behind my ear? Lower waist on my back? Ankle??

And whether I should do a black one or a coloured one? A simple one or a elaborated one???

&^%$&%^$*&(*&*^$%%^$^*~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been tagged by Jie.

HAHAHAHHAHHAHAH read this entry. *CLICK*

Layer One: On The Outside
Name: Choi Ee Von
Birth Date: 16 December 1986
Current Status: too damn free on Mondays Tuesdays and Thursdays please bring me out goddamit
Eye Colour: Black (sometimes brown sometimes gray too)
Hair Colour: Olive brown and blonde
Righty or Lefty: Right

Layer Two: On The Inside
Your Heritage: American Born Chinese. Hah I *wish*. Cantonese Chinese
Your Fears: Drowning
Your Weakness: Procrastinating, a bummer, a glut
Your Perfect Pizza: Seafood!

Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your Thoughts First Waking Up: Gaahh have to wake boyfriend up
Your Bedtime: very irregular time.
Your Most Missed Memory: school days

Layer Four: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: coke
Burger King or McDonald's: both?
Single or Group Dates: single
Adidas or Nike: doesn't matter as long as it's nice
Tea or Nestea: Peach Tea =)
Chocolate or Vanilla: both
Cappucino or Coffee: Cappucino

Layer Five: Do You
Smoke: used to
Curse: hell yeah
Take A Shower: Abuthen
Have A Crush: yes. with myself
Think You've Been In Love: yup. myself =P
Go To School: Duh.
Want To Get Married: 7 more years to think about it
Believe In Yourself: Sometimes.
Think You're a Health Freak: Er...

Layer Six: In The Past Month
Drank alcohol: yup, in the club. more like a cocktail
Gone to the mall: duh
Been on stage: nope
Eaten sushi: this morning
Dyed your hair: nope.

Layer Seven: Have You Ever
Played A Stripping Game:
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: YES.

Layer Eight: Age You're Hoping
To Be Married: Er... depending on financial status and the need

Layer Nine: In A Guy
Best Eye Colour: Brown
Best Hair Colour: Brown? I don't know. Anything which turns me on la
Short Hair or Long Hair: doesn't matter. long's cool

Layer Ten: What Were You Doing
1 Min Ago: chatting with Jie loh
1 Hour Ago: I dunno... sitting by Shell (laptop) and surfing
4.5 Hours ago: same as the above
1 Month Ago: Busy shopping, clubbing and playing computer games when exam's around the corner
1 Year Ago: was working 3 jobs and was waiting for universities' replies

Layer Eleven: Finish The Sentence
I Love: myself. HAHAHAHA.
I Feel: fat.
I Hate: people who talk about my face problem
I Hide: jealousy and envy
I Miss: boyfriend la duh
I Need: More time

Layer Twelve: Tag Five People
anyone who wants to be tagged.

I just discovered that I kinda like brown/hazel-coloured contact lens.

Click to enlarge. You can see the contacts better.

~lalala i'm a vain tomato lalala~

Here are some pictures of the farewell party at Casey's. (Casey is a former young lecturer in my uni, he'll be leaving for Bangkok to do his masters)

Picture cropped cos my thunderous legs seriously cannot be seen!
L-R: The Man, Casey, Samuel, Cat, Ms. Thunderous Legs & Amy.

Us maniacs who were so full of our self, we laughed so loud at our own lame jokes until most heads turned (i think la).

Samuel said I look like a Japanese. And he added
" You look like those Japanese who went and do plastic surgery so that they'll look like Europeans. Like Ayumi Hamasaki "
Should I kiss him or kill him?

I like my hair colour here! Though it looks like a wig wtf

The purpose of this picture is not to show how funny I looked, but my newly bought bag. Nice or not!

Regarding what my parents talked about me (read previous entry), I need to say that if I have no friends, no boyfriend, no blog where I know there are a lot out there who are really nice to me, I seriously would be dead. I will commit suicide.

I seriously am such a weak person. When I was in primary, I remember once I kept a broken glass cos I was planning to urm, you know.

Anyway, thanks a bunch to everyone who loves me especially this particular person who told me he loves me even when my figure was like a ball and my face was as round as the moon and my zits were breeding like no tomorrow. My parents only know how to blame me and make me feel worse. Thanks to my friends who never talked about this sensitive issue cos they understand what I want and don't wanna hear. (So those who talked about it, keep in mind that I actually remember who )

Don't ask me why my face is like that cos I don't fucking know how to answer I'm not a doctor nor a dermatologist.

Don't put the blame on me just because of my lifestyle cos I'm pretty sure everyone lives just the way I do.

Thanks to those whom gave me their support eventhough I don't know you and I have never met you in person or I'm not really close with.

I'm sure everyone knows, pictures do no justice at all. I can edit a picture turning it 360 degree over to something new but no one will know. NO I NEVER DO THAT OKAY. There's something known as makeup and I depend on them. So, those who truly think that my face is flawless, I'd like to say, no it's not. It's just enhanced.

But still, thanks for making me feel better. I know I'm a faker I use makeup I put contact lens I dye my hair and all that. Everything's just not the natural me. But this is what I want and how I want myself to be. Take it or leave it.

Aiya I digressed pula.

All in all, thanks a lot, all.

P/s: I swear I will NEVER follow them to dinner again. No more excuses. NEVER.

I didn't wanna follow them to dinner today, but thinking it's Mother's Day, I thought probably they would shut up.

Now I understand the meaning of expect the unexpected.

There they went again, babbling about my face problem, as if I asked for it. They even have the heart to continue babbling when they knew I cried. Yes. I cried again. There and then. Because someone like me seriously cannot take it anymore. This is not the first, not even second.

Hohoho. Goodbye everyone. I'm gonna disappear forever cos I'm too ugly to face the world.