I was supposed to write this love note, or love letter, whatever you wanna call it, to you but didn't have the time. Was supposed to put it together with your present inside the box, which I nicely wrapped =)
Okay here's the answer to all that crappy Sailormoon stickers. Clever me, was rushing to wrap up the present and leave the house to meet Aileen, I forgot about scissors and cellotape. In the end smart me used up the whole wrapping paper without cutting it smaller (so it's double-layered), and having no cellotape, I used whatever which I think adhesive; bingo. The stickers. Don't play play okay, it's very hard to get those stickers from me, even my youngest sister won't get it no matter how hard she begs me. Cos I sayang them so much mah.
Aileen's suppose to pass that little box to you when she reached Melbourne and when you open it, you'll see a note telling you to come to my blog and read this:
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How do I start?
I wanted to write you an ass long love letter before you left for Melbourne but I obviously didn't have the time to do that. So I swore to do it this time around. But when I start to do it now, come to think of it I don't fucking know where to start from! Shit.
Okay. Let's start with how much I missed you.
When you left, I drove your mum, grandma and your brother back to your home. On the way, she told me lots of things about you. Good things, to be precise. Very good things. It all started with your brother talking in a rather rude tone, then your mum interrupted him and said when you were in your younger days, you were unlike him. You were such a good kid, so easy to be taken care off. She told me how you could sit alone quietly and play with whatever things she could possibly get for you. Example? Nails. And I thought, geez, you're weird. But oh well, undeniably, cute at the same time. And she talked a whole lot more about you. How well-mannered you are compared to your other brothers and all those stuffs you know better than I do. And I bet you're smiling upon reading this. =)
And at once, I suddenly feel very very proud of you. I'm proud to be the girlfriend of this very well-mannered kid. I'm proud to be the girlfriend of this kid who takes good care of his school uniforms, shoes and books. I'm proud to be the girlfriend of this kid who talks to the elderly politely. I'm proud to be the girlfriend of this kid whose mum loves so much. And god knows what else I'm proud of. Or should I say, you know more what I would be proud of. ; ) My eyes went watery listening to her.
When I reached your house, I packed up my laptop and other stuffs, told your mum I'll be sleeping in your room. She told me I can go and sleep in your room anytime I want. I was feeling too heavy to really feel anything but I nodded and said ok, and I said good night to her and your grandma. I walked up the stairs, headed to your room. I opened the door, and switched on the light. And I feel this sudden loneliness crawling all over me. I closed the door immediately and I broke down almost instantly.
The room was messy, but at the same time empty. Your study table which was once filled with your cutting mat, laptop, books and papers and a lot more other junks, was empty. Your side table which was once with handphone, charger, the little bear I gave you and the pink sand thing, gone. Your wardrobe, was 80% empty. Your toilet, once filled with lots of facial products, gone. All that was left, a tooth paste, and both our toothbrushes. Which for now, will be left alone for some time till the spider come making cobwebs on it.
Standing in front of the toilet door reminded me the night when we both cried so hard to each other. The night before you left.
I cried and cried and cried. Even crying now as I write this. Everything felt so different since you left.
I washed my face, took off my pants, switched off the lights and climbed onto your bed.
I had flashbacks.
I thought of the days when I would sneak into this room, and do crazy things with you. I remembered how we cried so hard to each other the night before you left. Being alone at that moment, made me feel so cold and afraid. I no longer feel the warmth and security I always do when you were still here, and in that same room, right next to me.
I don't have anyone to share the pillow with me.
I don't have anyone to share the big duvet with me.
I don't even have to worry whether you'll get enough of duvet, whether I'll roll away with all the duvet myself and leave you shivering.
And it sucks. I cried even more.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
Woke up the next morning with puffy eyes. I brushed my teeth and your mum knocked on the door. She told me she's about to go out, and asked me to keep the auto gate remote control which you left. Then she went off for her morning routine.
I packed everything, made the bed, took a last look at everything, then left.
If you wanna know, until now, I have not stepped into your room since that night. I am still afraid. Afraid of all the feelings and flashbacks.
I cried all the way I drove to uni. I cried, thinking how my nights at uni wouldn't be the same again. No more late night calls, no more me worrying about your phone bills. And no more you visiting me and bring me out and buy me dinner.
After work, I cried all the way back home too. No more visiting you before heading home. No more you visiting me when I am back at home after work. No more you accompanying me the whole day I work. No more you driving my car around while I work. No more you driving the car for me when I get lazy.
And then things got better when you started calling me and sending messages. I can't tell how ecstatic I was but I definitely was fucking happy. And since then, we get to see each other online. And I felt a lot better.
Thank you for doing all this for me. Thank you for making sure we stay connected. Thank you for everything. Thank you for pulling me out from my depression.
Life without you would have been really meaningless.
I may be harsh to you at times, but you still love me not any lesser. Which makes me love you more.
4 years and 7 months back, I may not think you're that important to me. But you are the one who changed my thoughts. You are the one who made me appreciate this relationship. You are the one who didn't give up on me despite me being so cruel to you.
Thank you, that is why I love you so much.
Thank you for loving me the same eventhough I never really did, once.
Thank you for loving me the same on my moody days when I would scream at everything you do.
Thank you for loving me the same all this while.
I miss you. So much that words can never describe it. But I know we'll be together again not very long time later.
This relationship shall stay strong till we meet each other again, and be separated, and meet again, and be separated… until one fine day when everything has to come to one point, we shall be together for the rest of our lives.
We will go through this life together hand in hand. We shall laugh at the silly things together, cry together, and enjoy every bits of our lives together.
Till we meet again, this will not be long.
May you have a happy Valentine's, even if it's without me. Like you said, I am always in your heart, just like how you're always in mine. Not only heart, mind and soul too.
You're everything to me. You've became a part of my life since the day you light up my life.
I love you, and I will always do.
Miss you so much,
Ee Von.
P/s: Since you've been hitting the gym, I figured you must need the thing I got you. It's good that you start exercising. Turn me on with that 6 pack of yours ya baby? (But hopefully not 6 in1 lah HAHAHAHAHAHHA). And please please do take care of that 'little pink cloth' I gave you. It is my favourite, I'll kill you if you lose or destroy it. And oh the photos? Screw it. That stupid man from the shop doesn't even know how to utilise photoshop properly. Nevermind, the next time I print I'll make sure they DON'T edit anything which I editted.
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Okay end of sad love story.
Honestly, tell me Jie, did you cry reading that crap???
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHH! Must be honest okay! Remember to msg me once you've read this ya.
Oh. Remember I was supposed to meet with Aileen today? (cos Jie said he wanted her to pass me something which belongs to him)
Hah. Actually he asked her to pass me a valentine's gift from him:
Not so lonely after all =P
Oh! I passed by East India today and saw something really nice! And urm, I bought it. Oops.
And and and! Chef Ee Von made something today!
Hehe. This is obligatory okay. Omg my fucking face so chubby.
Chocolate Almonds.
Done. Bye!
